Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
How external is "for external use only"?
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
