FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
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