Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
tell me about the fingering
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