you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
honey bunches of taint.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
