guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
