I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
