I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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