i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
