Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
