So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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