Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
