I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
