do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
