meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I'm getting married
To pizza
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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