I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
how does that bad decision feel?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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