Me too!
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
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