i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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