I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
