i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
