I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize
