she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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