if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Randomize
