Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
