My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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