I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
We named our party play list daddy issues
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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