i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
