I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
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