I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
