this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
