Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Randomize
