my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
