Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
