I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
what is it with giant penises always finding me
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
