Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
false alarm. still invincible.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
