my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
