I wish I only lived at night.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
