So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
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I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
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I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize