my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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