just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
