I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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