Yo dont text me then not text me
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Randomize
