I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
