What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
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