Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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