cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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