hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
