i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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