You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
