how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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