Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
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