i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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