All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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