just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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