glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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