I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
