Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
