She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
