sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
