He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Randomize
