why didn't you poke me back
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?