She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN