She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
29 Of The Most Hilarious And Embarrassing Walks Of Shame Ever
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
These 23 Dudes Get Giddy From Dem Titties
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.