we have officially lost it.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?