is your mom at the bar?
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
25 People Share How They Got Out Of Their Longest Dry Spell
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.