Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(806): View more from Texas

my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.

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(806): my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar. http://tfl.nu/xuyq

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(440): View more from Ohio

Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for

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(440): Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for http://tfl.nu/xrwv

Replies (12) Good night (4615) Bad night (478) Order T-Shirt
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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.

(610): View more from Pennsylvania

When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"

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(610): I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER. (610): When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!" http://tfl.nu/bnpd

Replies (40) Good night (6023) Bad night (1041)
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(937): View more from Ohio

pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...

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(937): pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point... http://tfl.nu/zj6y

Replies (17) Good night (8467) Bad night (1097) Order T-Shirt
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(314): View more from Missouri

Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again

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(314): Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again http://tfl.nu/jwo1

Replies (19) Good night (5469) Bad night (1096) Order T-Shirt
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(514): View more from Quebec

Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.

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(514): Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined. http://tfl.nu/ti88

Replies (8) Good night (1088) Bad night (5244) Order T-Shirt
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(228): View more from Mississippi

For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.

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(228): For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears. http://tfl.nu/udc5

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(716): View more from New York

do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth

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(716): do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth http://tfl.nu/ncht

Replies (13) Good night (1097) Bad night (3103) Order T-Shirt
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(503): View more from Oregon

He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.

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(503): He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out. http://tfl.nu/qidl

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(402): View more from Nebraska

Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.

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(402): Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week. http://tfl.nu/y6xg

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(386): View more from Florida

I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking

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(386): I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking http://tfl.nu/64ym

Replies (7) Good night (1062) Bad night (624)
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(217): View more from Illinois

Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized

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(217): Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized http://tfl.nu/ymju

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(914): View more from New York

Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.

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(914): Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging. http://tfl.nu/hkzz

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(614): View more from Ohio

My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.

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(614): My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep. http://tfl.nu/ua0k

Replies (12) Good night (2373) Bad night (366)
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(206): View more from Washington

I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole

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(206): I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole http://tfl.nu/tvcl

Replies (2) Good night (510) Bad night (173) Order T-Shirt

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