the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction