I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Your shirt... Was in my pants
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.