watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
