I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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