You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
No more Irish car bombs ever.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
