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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
