And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize