just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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