this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
