I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
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