dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
