your thong is hanging out like whoa
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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