someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Randomize
