I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
