Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
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Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
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