she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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