What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
My feet surprised me
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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