i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
