I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
false alarm, still single
Randomize
