Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
