i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
