We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
