She is in my trunk
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
