not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
