I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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