i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
