Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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