I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
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